tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
