i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish you could order shots online.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
