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Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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