Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
