dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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