If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need a burrito and a hug.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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