And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
