Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we made out on top of his cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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