Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
