I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
