i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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