its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
