I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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