i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
