well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
