also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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