I'm drive I can fine osifer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
