i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
