I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
