I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
