Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
