Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
