Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
