im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
