Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need water and some morals
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
