First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
