i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
