If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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