I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
