You're earring is so big in my mouth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
