Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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