she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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