Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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