I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize