I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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