Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
