Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
