So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
