I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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