found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
