lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
