But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
