She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
