There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
