1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
