im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
