you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
