So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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