wanna go halves on a baby?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
