My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
