In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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