I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
