Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
