i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
