So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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