Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
