Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
