Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
