I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
