I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
