Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
