Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
