I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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