fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
