I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
