I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
