Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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