he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
