I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
