i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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