why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
