I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
