Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
