Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
