the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
