For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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