Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
