Redeem this text for a blowjob
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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